Communicating

Some advice I was recently given on communication. While the context is email based, I believe the principles apply in all aspects of life.

If you are involved in communication problem then you share some of blame.

1) Make sure you fully understand what is being said and that you take the time to accept and respond to it.
2) Make sure you understand what you am trying to get out of your response. What are you trying to get done.
3) Stay positive in responses, if you really do disagree reflect on possibilities that might satisfy both parties and if the situation is getting negative, get on the phone.

Becoming honest

It's been a while since I last blogged and for some reason today I got the itch and have decided to scratch it. Not too long ago I was made an honest man and my wife an honest woman. We are officially legit and not just another co-habitating couple. This is the post wedding, post honeymoon summary with a completely unrelated story with a moral to it.

Wedding can be a lot of fun - especially for the people who are attending. I had a lot of fun at my wedding but in the interest of being honest, it took a lot of effort and some good friends to make sure I did. Being the groom (or the bride) is a lot of work. Not only does everyone want and expect you to say hi to them and exchange a few words about how fun\beautiful\amazing the bride\groom\parents\wedding party\wedding\food\band\alcohol is but they also want to say goodbye too. All well and good except that if you include eating, a hora and a couple official dances you move straight from Hello to goodbye and the only time you spent with your new wife is during the first dance or the thank you speech. Fortunately for me, I had some good friends who grabbed me away from it all and "forced" me to dance and just enjoy myself. For those who forced me and for those who stuck around and danced, thank you!

As for a honeymoon, it makes all the work and effort of a wedding worth it. Go somewhere far, for a long time and live life differently for a spell.

Now on to the unrelated story. I was going though some documents and came across this story that I like. It has a moral and was told to me by a friend who likes to talk a lot and generally has a lot of good things to say.

There are two enemy soldiers on opposite sides. One soldier shoots at the other every day but never hits him. The other soldier never shoots back. One day his commander asks him, could you hit him? He replies, yes, in one shot. So why don't you the commander asks. The soldier replies, the next guy might be competent and take me out.

The moral of the story, better to know your enemies and their capabilities.

Live long and prosper. I hope 2010 is the harbinger of great things to come.

Happy Wedding tips

Steps to a stress free and wonderful wedding:

1. Find a partner who you love, loves you and you both want to spend the rest of your lives together.
2a. Book a room in a remote, hot and beautiful destination and get married.
2b. Plan a great party and keep parent involvement to a minimum. Good luck.

While this might seem somewhat pessimistic and lead you to believe that planning a wedding is difficult and unpleasant, in my somewhat limited experience, it isn't that bad and is actually fairly easy. The difficult part is to not get conned by the "establishment" into thinking that you need to have and do everything that you see in the movies. This is much easier said than done. So far I've lobbied to roll down the aisle in a shopping cart and to have us ride off on a donkey as husband and wife. Now that would be a wedding people would remember!

He did what? She said that? Who would do such a thing?

Today I had a realization.

Life is as amazing now as it was when I was 2, maybe more so.

Examine the relationships, actions and decisions made by people as if you're seeing them for the first time. Do they make sense? Do they seem thoughtful? Are they GOOD decisions? What constitutes a good decision?

Take this opportunity to examine your decisions and give some thought to why you do the things you do. Are you stuck in a rut or heading towards a dead end?

Let's bring meaning back!

Wedding Speeches

This past weekend I was a part of 2 amazing weddings. On Saturday, Margaret and Dmitry tied the kn0t in a small and intimate affair. On Sunday, Jon and Maria got married. There were a number of interesting aspects to both these weddings. For one, they both took place at The Old Mill. This is a beautiful venue and the people there are very nice and helpful. It was a little surreal to be heading to the same place both nights. and recognize the bar tenders.

Having two weddings in a single weekend is a challenge. Talking in two weddings in a single weekend is an even bigger challenge. It reminds me of my school days and working on multiple assignments for different courses. I believe it's harder than school since writing speeches is a very open ended process. This past weekend I had the honour to be the MC on Saturday and was one oft the best men on the Sunday.

Since I'm sure I'm going to have to speak at other events, I've decided to write this blog to give me some tips for the future.

1. Always be prepared, this means making time the day of to spit out that last version
2. Don't say anything you're not comfortable saying - if you don't like a joke or story, don't say it. It won't come out right
3. point form is better than paragraphs. Some key sentences can be written down. This is way easier to read and allows you to interact with the audience.
4. Practice the speech out loud a few times. This will help iron out the kinks
5. When printing the speech notes, print landscape, double lined and with a large font.
6. I'm a big fan of warming up. If I can introduce someone else or announce something, I feel a lot more comfortable talking to the group.
7. Don't be afraid to shush the audience. Some people can have too good a time at a wedding. If people are talking, it makes it a huge challenge to engage people and can be very distracting. if a regular shush doesn't work, point out the offending person or section in a positive way.
   

Both events went off extremely well. I was nervous as hell but the second I had to be on, I was on and pulled it off. It's good to have some energy.

As Stuart Smalley used to say, I'm good enough, I'm strong enough and Doggone it, people like me.

where's a poet when you need one?

Today I saw the Taj Mahal in Agra. It truly is beautiful. Last night Lila and I treated ourselves to a "fancy"buffet dinner at the Sheraton in Delhi. Unfortunately it was already dark when we were driving there because it looked to be a completely different Delhi than what we are familiar with. The dinner itself was nice, the restaurant was great and the bathrooms were almost top notch. It felt like a timeout from Delhi; as if we were stepping into a different pocket of the universe which we understood. It also showed us that travelling in India could be a lot easier and nicer than what we've experienced. That sort of trip would also be a lot more expensive. Dinner cost the same as a few nights at our current hotel including meals.

To jump around a bit, the rest of Agra is not at all pleasant. Not only is it the home to the Taj Mahal, it's also home to a lot of people who prey on tourists and greatly detract from the experience. That's life.

Purell-er-ific

I don't even know how to start this. Purell, I bring it everywhere I go. I use it all the time, all over. I only brought one bottle. This is not even close to enough. Fortunately, Lila brought another 4 or 5. You see people urinating and defecating all over. There's no facilities to wash and if there are, odds are the water isn't any good. Kids love to come up and say hello and shake our hands. I've seen where they play. It's necessary. So far I've seen cows, horses, donkeys, camels, pigs, dogs, cats and elephants walking around the streets. This ignores the pigeons, rats, chipmunks and other "normal" animals I'd expect to see looking around. Most of the animals wallow in rotting garbage and crap. Both sleeping in it and eating it. At times, the smell can be overwhelming.

On to better things, in Jaipur, the pink city, we saw lots of nice palaces and other sites. We went to a bollywood movie (all in Hindi) and even had a bit of an idea of what it's about. I've had masala flavoured chips and eaten lots of food on the Shibati Express trains - it's the only train where they serve you food and it's ok to eat it. Right now I'm back in Delhi, staying at the Metropolis in Paharganj. It's going to be a slow day. Tomorrow we're hitting up the Taj and then we fly out to Goa.

so, since i last wrote we also went to McLeod Ganj, up in the Himalayas. We met a Tibetan monk Dawa who showed us around and also visited the Dali Lama's temple. All in all, a great place. I went for walks in some of the local villages (no cars, just paths on the mountain) and we also went to a waterfall where we met a bunch of overly friendly Sikh men who invited us to their house in Punjab. We're constantly being photographed by people. We now reciprocate and take their picture too. hmm, not a very interesting post.

I'll end it by stating how unprepared I was for India and how glad I am that Lila is here. She's a walking pharmacy. Imodium, anti bacterial wipes, purell and everything else under the sun. there's nothing like a very upset stomach and 19 hours of travel with either no bathrooms or very gross ones to make you appreciate the marvels of modern medicine.

Here's to surviving and thriving.

p.s. Yes, i'm going to Purell my hands after leaving the Internet Cafe, I can feel the layer of grime transfer from the keyboard to my hands..